Why you should start matchmaking your friends

At an acquaintance’s house some years back, a man walked in with two teenage children. After they left, my friend explained that he was the spouse of her deceased friend.

Then, she went on to say that she had been trying to match-make him with a banker, who had not been responding positively to his advances.

I asked how long she had known the banker and she said that they didn’t really know each other that much, except that she admired the lady’s “finesse” anytime she went to the bank.

Then I took a long look around the sitting room, counting the single ladies (from her cousin to two others, one being a divorcee) that she could have started the “match making” with, and I told myself that nothing is worse than being saddled with people who always look past those nearest to them, when dispensing favours.

When a lady expressed her uneasiness about her widowed sister-in-law’s closeness to her husband and was wondering how best to chase the young woman away, I told her to take on the task of matchmaking the lady with any suitable man she could think of. And, it worked like magic!

Sometimes, the best way to cover your flanks is to help give those in your space (who are struggling) a life. It is the easiest way to “insure” your own happiness.

How can you be involved with a man with “available” friends and relations, and not think of encouraging him to find someone good for that your close girlfriend who is grappling with loneliness?

A lot of ladies will not agree with me on this one but I think it’s something that those who can, should reconsider.

How is it that you are comfortable seeing that good friend of yours lonely and unhappy when someone you know is seriously searching for a wife?

The worst thing you can do to someone is to deny them any good that can come from you towards them because of an unpleasant previous experience or fear of things not turning out well.

If there’s something you can do to make someone’s life happier, do it.

When I introduce people to one another— I keep my distance, after connecting them. I do not see my effort as favours to anybody, as it is my belief that whatever good can come from me is a contract with life.

Sometimes, the ill-feelings that come out of those efforts is as a result of not being able to manage one’s role in the picture.

For example, you don’t have to be a shadow in their space because you introduced them to one another.

Also, people shouldn’t be indebted to you because of your role in matchmaking them.

If you begin to take your positive efforts in people’s lives as an agreement with God, you will be fine with however things turn out.

There is so much loneliness out there, and there’s a good chance that some of us can do something for a friend in such circumstances, if we really want to.

The idea of not lifting a finger to make an impact in people’s lives (because of one ugly story or experience) is not helping humanity at all.

The best way to think about this is to assume for a moment that you are the one in the other person’s shoes; how would you feel?

Life is happier when your friends are on the same page with you. I am not philosophising because I have not had an ugly experience on these things.

I will be the first person to tell you that it is such a thankless endeavour, and about the fastest way to expose yourself to unbridled envy and ingratitude. But, the good we do isn’t for accolades or payback. It’s a contract with God; remember?

Conversely, if someone has lifted a finger of thoughtfulness in your life, you have no reason being anything else other than being grateful, loyal and generous (when you can) to them.

If you know the internal struggles (will it backfire on me, will I regret this, will I end up an enemy) that people grapple with before choosing to put a smile on your face, you can’t afford to not pay them back with the coin of goodness.

Our biggest problem is that we are quick to forget where we are coming from. And, it’s because ingratitude is second nature to the average human being.

This is the year to truly take stock of all your connections and make sure that envy is not where gratitude should be; enmity is not where friendship should be; toxicity is not where goodness should be; you have not tossed away someone you should hold very dear; and that those sitting at your table now are those who truly deserve to be there.